Permanent
by Girl With The Dandelion
Summary: I knew I'd at least never forget it. A memory like mine was both a gift and a curse. I'd never lose any of the bad, but I'd get to hold onto all of the good too. Forever.


I could feel the vein burst as they drove into another one of my broken vessels. I whispered a name into the dark, not fully sure of the significance of its sound leaving my lips. All I knew was that it felt nice to say, like a warm cup of tea. It felt out of place in this cruel room. It was such a nice word. It felt beautiful, if words could feel things. It felt like home. Safe. It felt far away, almost as if it were fading into the distance. I didn't want that. I wanted that word in my throat, it's silk a welcomed coolness. Everything around me was growing hot. Burning. Each touch to my skin felt like an open flame, licking its way up my arms. It was such a nice word. "Peter."

I woke up in a cold sweat. Trying to quell the shaking, I slowly pulled myself away from the bed. Away from him. He always glimmered after a nightmare. It was disorienting.

I ran my fingers through my hair, brushing damp strands away from my face. By the time I made it to the bathroom the effects of my nightmare were beginning to ebb away. When I glanced into the mirror, the lack of red hair startled me. Moments like this were what scared me the most. These brief interruptions in my life where I was surprised by my blonde hair. Or the day I had forgotten about Frank and how he was never a apart of my life. Or wondering if Charlie had taken his medicine. They were becoming less frequent; having peter back was making a difference. I hadn't told anyone about these momentary lapses in my reality. Now that they were dissipating, I wasn't going to.

"Olivia." The sound of Peter's voice shook away the remnants of the nightmare. When I looked at him, the glimmer had faded, as if nothing had happened. As if moments ago I hadn't been writhing in agony.

"Just another nightmare. Don't worry."

His footsteps draw near and soon his arms were around my waist. "That's like telling me stop breathing. It's always gonna happen."

I smiled at his words. His fingers drifted down my arm, stopping along the scars that will never quite fade. I shivered with his touch.

"Do they bother you?" I don't know why I asked him that.

"What? Your scars? God no. I mean they anger me, seeing what they put you through. Why?" I turned to look at him over my shoulder.

"They bother me. They are a constant reminder to me."

Peter spun me around in his arms. "They remind me of things too. They remind me of your strength; of your will."

I scoffed. "They remind me of how weak I know I can be. You never read my report, did you? About my time over there?"

Peter brought me to his chest and kissed the top of my head. He gently shook his head against my own. "You asked me not to." I nodded against his throat.

"I know. I think-." I stopped myself, knowing that once I told him everything that had happened I'd never be able to erase the image my words would give.

"Full disclosure." He chuckled once at our game. "I think I'm ready. I know I'm ready."

"Okay. Now?"

I blinked. "Yes. Before it passes. Can we lie down? I want you to hold me while I tell you. I feel like you'll keep me here."

Peter tilted his head. "Of course. But Olivia, you know you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to." I nodded. I wanted to tell him though. I had decided to give everything to this man; all of my love. He deserved to know everything. I had his report on the other Olivia. That love he had given to her, all of his kindness and warmth had been for me. Every kiss and touch was supposed to have been mine. I would make sure we had that love tenfold. Before anything could move forward though, I had to move on. Between being switched and then having William Bell stuck in my head, I'd never really had the chance to move on. This was my chance.

"I am ready Peter. I told you earlier I'm not afraid to move on anymore. I meant that. I'm not afraid of this. Not of us, not of what happened. It's apart of what it took for us to get here, to this place. To now."

He nodded and took my hand in his. Bringing it to his lips, he said, "Whatever you're comfortable with, Liv."

Leaning into him, I kissed his neck and led him back to my bedroom. Crawling into bed, I made sure I was fully immersed in his arms before I began. Closing my eyes, unforgotten memories flooded my mind. One of the worst effects of a photographic memory is the inability to forget even the most painful details.

"I don't know what they gave me. Some sort of chemical that affected my mind. They tried so hard to make me believe. I kept insisting that I did not belong there. Eventually, Walternate had me locked up and closed the windows; shut out all the light. It was four days by the time they let the light back in and even then it was so they could blindfold me and take me to a white room."

I felt Peter's arms tighten around me when I paused.

"While the other Olivia was here, living my dream, I was over there, strapped to a table and being drugged into oblivion. One by one they stripped me of my own memories and replaced them with hers. Even with these two lives in my head, I just felt out of place. But they conditioned me so much Peter. The one time I managed to escape, I made my way to a place I just knew was safe. I felt it with every fiber of my being. This house was safe. It's walls would protect me. When my mother walked out- I mean her mother…I don't know, I just snapped. I lost all sense of self and I was just her. The knowledge of what was really my life quietly tucked itself away, and all that was left was their Olivia.

"Still, I wondered though. Why had I been so sure something wasn't right? Why I had _know_ I wasn't her. They were so good though. They put me in the field. They drowned me in their world until even the whispers inside me vanished. Even though I was theirs I did things wrong. I forgot safety protocols and I didn't understand things. I didn't get it. And I was alone. Over there, she has a boyfriend, Frank. He was gone. Everyone had their own lives. I knew if anyone noticed all the things I was doing wrong, they might lock me away again and I hate the darkness."

I stopped again. Peter's hand was shaking against my stomach where our hands were entwined. I may have been ready to share my story with him, but that didn't guarantee he was ready to hear it. He pressed his lips into my hair and whispered in my ear, "I'm fine Olivia. I'm fine." His grip steadied once again.

"I guess finally my brain caught up to all the little changes and became one big problem. You. You kept showing up and I couldn't shake you."

I rolled onto my side so that I was facing Peter. "I couldn't shake you. The memory of you was so firmly implanted in that part of me they'd tried so hard to hide that you just sort of burst through. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Why was I hallucinating the Secretary's son? Why?

"Eventually, you started to whisper secrets. You made me realize the truth. I was not their Olivia Dunham. I was yours. This time though, I had enough knowledge about their Olivia to keep _me_ at bay. The actual me. I could hide her now, and be theirs when I needed to be. I had enough to trick them. At least, temporarily. Once I got my message to you, they locked me away again. They penciled places on my face and I was strapped to that table again. Their intent was to exchange me for her, me being in pieces. They wanted my brain, for the cortexiphan I'm guessing."

His grip tightened. "That son of a bitch. That murdering son of a bitch. He took you from me and did this. He did all of this to you. And that monster is my father."

"They wanted so much of me Peter. That's why they did it. That's why they tried to steal me away. But they couldn't have all of me. They couldn't have you. Sometimes, I still see her in the mirror. For brief moments, I get lost. But now that I'm with you, these bumps have all but disappeared. I'm better with you. I don't think it's going to happen anymore. Every secret is yours now. Every piece of me belongs with you. I think that's why it was happening. I was unsure if I belonged still. But I know I do now. I know I belong."

I ran my fingers through his hair before I laced them with his once more. I moved my lips to his and with a whisper of a kiss, I murmured, "They couldn't have you." His nose skimmed my jaw.

"They couldn't have you," he whispered back. We clung to each other for the rest of the night.

* * *

I woke up content. It had been so long since I'd felt whole. It had been a lifetime. It was a feeling I never wanted to lose. I knew I'd at least never forget it. A memory like mine was both a gift and a curse. I'd never lose any of the bad, but I'd get to hold onto all of the good too. Forever. I could live with that.

Peter stirred in his sleep. I twisted around to face him. He peeked open his eyes.

"Good morning sleepy."

He grinned. "It really is a good morning." I smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "The best."

And I'd never forget it. To know this man was solidified into my thoughts, even when someone tried to steal it all away, was unbelievably comforting. Peter and everything he was in my life was permanent. "The best morning," I repeated. Wrapped in his arms once again, I felt whole. Content. Permanent.

**Author's Note: **Except, you know, IF SOMEONE GETS ERASED FROM THE TIMELINE. KIND OF LOSES PERMANENCE. Sorry for the spazz attack there. Anywho, this is my first Fringe fic as I'm sure you can tell. I'm still getting a feel for the characters but I have a few more planned, including one that's breaking my heart as I write it. It may or may not involve some mother daughter moments post awakening from amber.

Also, I'd like to say that Fringe has replaced Roswell as my favorite television show. Like, Fringe has impacted my life and I am completely and hopelessly in love with the series. After watching the first episode, I went out and bought the first season. And then the second…and third…and then the fourth and fifth for good measure. If you haven't seen Fringe, and you're a follower of my stories so you have no idea what just went on in this fic, by all means do yourself a favor and watch Fringe. It's amazing.

Don't forget to review if you liked this at all!


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